Finally, Free To Do For Just Me

I would like to share my situation with you all.  I am open to your thoughts and comments if you would like to share.

I didn’t have the kind of parents that offered good advice about life.  My mom thought she was the best mom when in reality she was the worst.  She was self-absorbed and if my dad wasn’t focused on her and her only, she created chaos and drama.  I found out that she had gotten pregnant with me while she was in her senior year of high school.  And not a day went by that she didn’t tell me that she hated me and I ruined her life.  As I got older, my dad and one of his sisters always made excuses for her behavior and expected me to feel sorry for her because of her terrible childhood.  And today she is 75 and can’t take of herself partly because she feels like she is entitled to having everyone wait on her hand and foot.  And she feels like she deserves to be cared for as my dad cared for her until he died.  I had no communication with her until just recently.  I had her at my home for Christmas and I did not enjoy the time with her.  Even though there isn’t anything wrong with her physically, she refuses to do anything on her own. She expects you to wait by her side, and be devoted to her hundred percent of the time.   I am not that person.  I raised three children all by myself and two years ago my last adult child moved out, and I cared for 4 elderly people until they passed, and now it’s my time.   My family has had negative comments about me until now.  And now all of a sudden through their manipulation, and control they expect me to give up my freedom and put aside all the terrible memories I have about her for her care.  Well its time for me to do for just me.  And she needs to take her advice she once gave to me.  My first husband was abusive and I showed up at her house and she told me in the morning I would have to go home and live with the choices I made.  She was not obligated to help me.  I have 3 brothers, why can’t one of them take her in?

I have lived my life up until now always taking care of the needs of others, always putting others before me.  And it was not beneficial for my well-being.  I feel like I have much to do to make up for lost and wasted time towards living my life with purpose.  And I feel angry because I didnt get to finish goals that were important to me, and got stuck with the goals of my husband and inlaws in which I wasn’t compensated for and was not thanked.  Like cleaning up the family house of hoarders for example so the house could be put on the market.  The house sold in three days and earned beyond what it was purchased for.  All the family members received a check, even though they did nothing.  It took me a total of 4 years to clean it up, and I had to drop my last two classes I needed for my degree, because it was too much traveling from the new house and fixing it up to driving to my husbands family house to do the finishing touches getting it ready to sale.  And not even getting thanked was devastating and still hard to swallow.  I am left with a lot of anger and I realize I have some issues I need to work on in order to move forward in my life.

I will be producing articles about topics that are not about yoga, but are topics that should be explored and essential in ones well-being.

I am hoping that this information is helpful and opens up an awareness to all of you.  As human beings we are complex and have layer upon layer of structures and systems.  The more we try to understand and learn about how we function and why we behave the way we do.  It gives us some control of our lives.  Ultimately, I would like to be able to choose a life where I struggle no more, and one of bliss.

 

Where do I begin?  Well I am not one to unload my crap of imperfection, this is a first and I tell you I weigh a ton lighter.  But I have heard a lot about how important it is to love yourself.  And I think exploring this topic about self love, what is it all about, and how does one know if they in fact love themselves and if they don’t, how would one go about doing this?  What behavior or issues indicate what is going on.  How can we fix this on our own?

 

Well how many times have you heard that in order to love someone else you must first love yourself?

Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self love is dynamic; it grows by actions that mature us.  We begin to accept our weaknesses as well as our strengths. and don’t feel the need to explain our short-comings.  We are more centered in our life purposes and values, and expect living fulfillment through our own efforts.

 

7 Step Prescription for Self Love

1.  Become mindful.  People who have self-love know what they want, think, feel and act on this knowledge, rather than what others want for them.

2.  Act on what you need rather than what you want.  Stay focused on what you need to stay strong and moving forward in your life.

3.  Practice good self-care.  You’ll love yourself more when you take care of your basic needs.

4.  Set Boudaries.  Say no to those things that harm you physically or mentally.

5.  Protect yourself.  Bring only the right people in your life.

6.  Forgive yourself.  Practice being less hard on yourself.

7.  Live intentionally.  Live with purpose and design

It is important to be aware of what is self-loving behavior.

If you can start to do this, you will begin to get a sense of what loving yourself means.  Here are some examples:

Start going to therapy because you are unhappy.

Finally going to a doctor for a physical exam.

Beginning an exercise program.

Starting a new class or playing a new instrument.

Confronting someone who has hurt you emotionally.

Realizing that feeling your own pain is a major step in healing.

Beginning a recovery program for substance abuse or overeating.

 

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